When I picked her up from school for a dentist appointment, I was greeted with the words: “You look like everybody’s mom.”
I wasn’t exactly sure if that was a compliment.
And then I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the window. It was true. I had conformed. I was wearing my “workout gear” out and about. Running shoes, yoga pants, and a sweatshirt. You know the look. Sometimes it’s completed with a headband or a baseball cap. I call it the “momiform.” And I was wearing it.
I usually wear workout gear to workout. But today was one of those days when I got sidetracked and didn’t even have time to really get dressed.
Since my previous post on Zumba, I’ve actually started exercising. For real. I remember when I used to feel good in my clothes and that things weren’t so soft and well, jiggly. Then 40 hit and the metabolism wasn’t as forgiving as it used to be.
I always fear that I will “let myself go” or that I really won’t look put together. Even during the sleepless night phase of having a two-year-old and newborn, I would shower, get dressed, and put on makeup. Why? I just needed to feel human. So, I guess you might say that I’m in the habit of getting dressed every day. Even if I’m sick at home, I have a problem wearing my P.J.’s all day. And pajama day at school? Oh boy, it rocks my inner self.
Someone recently commented that “You always look so put together.” The truth is, I’m not. I guess I’m good at faking it. I’ve battled with S.A.D. and, by the grace of God, have been healed. Yet, the insecurities that had rooted themselves in me for so long are hard to shake off. I know who I am in Christ and yet, the niggling lie of “you’re just not good enough,” rears its ugly head now and then.
So, how do I deal with that? I affirm my identity in Christ, daily and out loud. (Joyce Meyer has put together a list of affirmations that are biblical truth). And, I sing “Jesus loves me, this I know…when I am weak, he is strong… Yes! Jesus loves me!” And, every day I need to work at it.
Next time you see me in my “momiform” just know that I am working it out—how to be who Christ called me to be.
It’s workout gear. For my soul.