Today was hard…I think up until this point I’ve been fairly good at staying positive and keeping an even keeled vibe…but today I cried.

There is nothing natural about pulling up to your kids’ school in April where all the teachers are wearing rubber gloves, standing six feet apart.

There is nothing natural about handing them library books through the window and then watching the teachers put your child’s things into your trunk in a big blue bag.

I got home and my tears flowed while we took out their stuff…journals, shoes, art, half used pencil cases, untouched erasers. I cried envisioning their teachers packing up all these things into these bags.

I cried about how hard we worked to get one of my kids to school every morning this year. All of that work that we—and the whole amazing team—put into that just seems a little wasted now. Not wasted for me, but mostly for him.

I cried about how my favourite teacher in the world growing up, who is now my son’s teacher…how special that was, and that he doesn’t even get to finish the year with her.

I cried over the unexpected loss of a physically present community where my kids feel loved, teaches them how to serve God in this world, challenges them, and provides them with friendships, high-fives, and relationships they absolutely need to grow as little people.

I cried over cancelled track meets, field trips, and grade 4 graduation to middle school.

An abrupt, uncertain end to a year that was just gaining momentum.

To some people these things might seem so minuscule compared to what others are facing right now…we all carry our own lot because of the weight of what now is.

But that was today…And yet, yesterday I saw my kids work together to create a project in the forest behind our house and I felt so proud. Tomorrow, I might notice things I didn’t before, when we were all so busy with our schedules, work, sports, and meetings…and I will definitely be thankful.

In a few months when all of this begins to fade and we open our doors and gather in community again, we will celebrate. Maybe at the end of this week if the weather is nice, we will head to the river at noon for some fun…and we’ll all laugh at how easy this connected learning gig is (…maybe).

But today, I’m looking at those bags.

And for a mom…for today…this was really hard.